


Deeper Than Words

by thatwasanticlimactic



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Awesome Suki is Awesome, Councilman Sokka (Avatar), Fire Lord Zuko (Avatar), Hurt Sokka (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Zuko (Avatar), Sokka (Avatar) Has ADHD, Sokka (Avatar) Has Tourette's, Sokka is an Awkward Otter Penguin, Tourette's Syndrome, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, author has Tourette's, it's like two years after the war ends??, mocking tics, nonverbal Sokka at the end, they just love each other so much, tics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27180304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwasanticlimactic/pseuds/thatwasanticlimactic
Summary: Council meetings were always the hardest to sit through.And Sokka tried-- he tried so hard to help and be the best he could for Zuko, for the council, but no matter what he did, they would never respect him.Or, Sokka has Tourette's and some of the other councillors think Sokka is getting special treatment since he's the Fire Lord's boyfriend. He overhears a (rather rude) conversation about himself and feels dejected, useless, and defeated.Suki and Zuko refuse to let him believe that, though.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 275
Collections: Read





	Deeper Than Words

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I have Tourette's! I tried to make sure that his tics weren't just replicas of mine (though, some are) and trying to think up verbal tics is hard since they're not necessarily consistent and you never know what will trigger one. Each person's experience with TS is different and I tried to write this as genuinely as possible.
> 
> I also did not write in every single time he ticced, because that would be most of the oneshot and I wasn't sure if people wanted to read that?? So, hopefully it all makes sense:)
> 
> also also, I'm an English major.. ignore my lack of government knowledge at the beginning, I tried

Council meetings were always the hardest to sit through.

Listening to a bunch of old or stuck up men with boring voices for hours upon hours was hard enough, but Sokka found that most of their proposals were… to be frank, they were stupid. Not to mention the chairs were uncomfortable so he had to adjust his position every minute, the room was large so his tics echoed, and none of the Fire Nation councillors liked him.

One of the younger councillors, Noritaka, age 23, was currently speaking. He was going on and on about his “genius idea” on how to help the Earth Kingdom fix the socioeconomic crisis they were in, but his plan was ridiculous and impossible.

Glancing at Zuko, Sokka could tell his friend felt the same way. Say what you will, but the Fire Lord had gotten better at keeping an impassive face during meetings, but none of the others in the room knew Zuko like Sokka did. His golden eyes were wider than usual, something he tended to do when he was trying hard to pay attention to something he didn’t care about (this happened quite frequently during meetings).

Sokka squinted, trying to memorize the look on Zuko’s face before returning his attention back to the paper in front of him. His brush was rapidly tapping against his chin as he stared at his mini portrait of his boyfriend.

Concentrating during meetings was hard-- really hard-- so Zuko suggested bringing paper and a brush and doodling or taking notes during them. It helped tremendously (Zuko’s so smart). Of course, Sokka’s favorite thing to draw was Zuko, so that’s what he was doing now.

Sometimes he couldn’t help but think that the Fire Nation was no place for a Water Tribesman, especially him specifically. He wasn’t super formal, he had a lot of energy, and he just looked so out of place. His dark skin and shades of blue made him stick out like a sore thumb, not to mention he was the only one who moved during the meetings. Even as he drew while listening, he was squatting in his chair rather than sitting in it, his shoulders jerking, eyes blinking wildly, rocking back and forth. He could feel the disapproving eyes of all of the other councillors and nobles on him.

The only one who didn’t think he was some kind of freak was Zuko.

Noritaka _finally_ concluded his proposal, and it took everything in him not to laugh.

Of course, he was trying so hard not to laugh that he wasn’t trying hard enough to suppress his tics.

“So, Fire Lord Zuko, what do you say?” the Fire Nation councillor asked, a sort of smug grin resting on his face.

Zuko cleared his throat. “Well, that was a fa--”

“ _Fah-fah- fail, fail-fah!_ ”

The room was silent, save for the sound of his brush dropping to the floor when Sokka immediately went to cover his mouth with his hands. He nearly toppled out of his chair at the speed of his reaction.

Of all of his tics, of all of the ones that could surface at this very moment, it had to be his most self-deprecating one, didn’t it?

“Councillor Sokka, is there something you would like to add?” Noritaka’s voice was cold and harsh. Sokka could feel each one of his words piercing through his skin and it made him shiver. His golden eyes were hardened, not nearly as bright and friendly as Zuko’s.

Everyone was staring at him. He smiled sheepishly, clearing his throat. “I, uh, I wasn’t saying that about your plan, but umm you-- _you-you-yes please_ \-- your plan has some big holes…”

Public speaking still gave him anxiety, even at the meetings (though, the disapproving councillors probably made it worse, especially because they tried to shut down everything he said).

The older councilman sneered. “And what are those holes, may I ask?”

Sokka locked eyes with Zuko who gestured for him to continue. He pushed the anxiety as far down as he could before speaking once more. “Well, first your plan seems to be m-more catered to comfort the rich rather than help the poor,” he said truthfully. “I mean, I can see how it could w-- _wah wah wah_ \-- work in certain circumstances, but that’s if we control all of the Earth Kingdom’s trade routes as well as how much their government has to spend-- _spend spend, you spend_ \-- which isn’t our place to do. You have some good ideas, but they aren’t logistically or financially possible. What we need to remember is that we’re trying to help the Earth Kingdom, not swoop in to fix their problems and push them into debt. This is a problem they need to work on themselves, we’re just offering-- _yip yip, sp-sp-spend yip_ \-- some help. Besides, if we try too hard to solve everything for them, it’ll just look like you guys are trying to take over again.”

He released a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding when he finished speaking. The room was still silent. Looking around, Sokka saw Zuko and some others nodding in agreement. Noritaka, on the other hand, was seething, his teeth clenched and hand curled in a fist.

Before he could say anything, Zuko spoke up, “Councillor Sokka is correct. Your plan would work in a perfect world, but it simply isn’t possible. Perhaps we can discuss a revision before ending the meeting?”

Another hour and a half later and the council had come up with a solution. The last portion of the meeting was simultaneously the most relieving and terrifying meeting he had participated in. Relieving because Zuko loved all of his ideas and not in a _you’re my boyfriend so I’ll do whatever you say_ kind of way, but a _this could work and really help_ way. Terrifying because Noritaka was looking at him. His expression was nearly unreadable, but Sokka had never been great at social cues anyways. He looked kind of quizzical, but his eyes never wavered. It left Sokka feeling uneasy.

Zuko approached Sokka just as the meeting was dismissed. “You were really helpful today,” he said softly, leaning up against his side.

Sokka hummed, greedily grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “I’m glad you think so, I don’t think the others like me too much.”

“Give them time, you’ve only been on for half a year and they’re still trying to adjust. They’re going to see how brilliant you are soon,” the bender promised, giving Sokka a quick kiss on the cheek.

A guard on the other side of the room beckoned Zuko forward, and he sighed. “Duty calls. I have a meeting to figure out some trade agreement stuff. See you tonight?”

“Mhm.” Sokka kissed him back. “Go do your super boring Fire Lord stuff.”

Zuko chuckled. “Okay. But really, thank you for helping with the plan. I’m going to run it by King Bumi as soon as I can!” With that, his boyfriend had scurried off.

Sokka smiled as his boyfriend retreated before grabbing his notepad and brushes and heading out. He was done with meetings for the day, but wanted to get a head start on some of his proposals and ideas for later. If he fleshed them out now then he would have an easier time explaining them later.

Unfortunately, as he began walking to his room, he realized that he was behind Noritaka and some of his councillor buddies, the younger ones. It wouldn’t have been a problem, but Sokka was petty and also didn’t like them. Plus, whenever he was near them, he had to suppress his tics, which was super uncomfortable. If it were the older members, he would have been fine. He could just walk up to them and start a conversation or just walked past them because while they're still getting used to his presence, they understood that he had good ideas and that he tried.

“It’s ridiculous!” Noritaka was saying, waving his arms for emphasis. “He can say and do whatever he wants because he’s dating the Fire Lord! I don’t even understand how that’s allowed!”

To be fair, that was a decent point. Zuko had appointed him as a councillor a year after they started dating and he was the only councillor who wasn’t Fire Nation (though Zuko was planning on recruiting more representatives from other nations).

“I can’t stand him!” continued the bender, his words filled with honest rage. “He shut down my entire plan and he wasn’t even paying attention! He just draws every meeting!”

Sokka ducked his head, clutching his pad close to his chest as if it were his lifeline. He didn’t want to hear this anymore.

“He gets away with whatever he wants,” said another while Sokka desperately looked around to find a different way to his study. “He screams every meeting and the Fire Lord never cares.”

Noritaka snorted. “Imagine if I did that every meeting. What does he say? He goes like _yip yip you fail yip yip I have a brush_ like… Agni, he’s so annoying!”

Laughter. The councillors were laughing at Noritaka’s mockery. When he spoke, he did so with a thick slur, his tone insensitive and painful.

A tingling sensation ran through his body, and Sokka begged and begged and begged Tui and La to spare him. But Noritaka kept going, now adding neck jerks and arm flailing to his act.

Sokka should have stopped walking or run away, but he felt frozen in the consistency of his movements, counting his steps and making sure he only stepped over cracks in the floor with his left foot.

“ _Yi_ _p yip you need to yip yip!_ ” he cried out, his neck twitching and straining, his shoulders jerking with such force that it _hurt_. The feeling of an itch, of the moment before a sneeze was flowing from his head to his arms, and his pad smacked the ground as he fist pumped the air not once, but five times in a row letting out another mighty “ _Pad pad pad, brush yip you have a yip brush yip_!”

The councillors turned, watching his unintentional display with disdain, a sort of disgusted gaping of their mouths and smug gleam in their eye. Kosuke (one of Noritaka’s friends, age 24) burst into laughter, and if it wasn’t clear enough that he was laughing at Sokka, the stupid idiot had the nerve to point at him.

Sokka felt his face heating up and he wrapped his arms around himself protectively, not bothering to pick his notepad off the floor.

“ _Yip yip_ , Councilman,” ridiculed Noritaka, fist pumping the air in mockery. “ _Pad pad pad_!”

He was now chanting as if he and his friends were children cheering during a scuffle.

Sokka’s throat felt tight and it grew tighter and tighter with each passing second, with every word that left their mouths. A piercing ringing was resounding in his ears as panic set in. _He couldn’t breathe he couldn’t breathe he couldn’t breathe_. With a fist pump and a copious amount of twitches, Sokka found himself backed up against a wall, a steady stream of “ _Y_ _ip yip_ ”'s and “ _fail_ ”’s freely falling.

He collapsed to the ground, suppressing his fist pumping with all his might and covering his ears with his hands, pressing down as hard as he possibly could. It hurt, but that sharp pain was nothing compared to the agony he felt as he lost control of his body and mind, to the absolute embarrassment he felt.

Black dots clouded his vision even through all of his blinking and he was scared-- _he was so scared and ashamed_.

A hand pressed down on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure when it did, how long it had been since he had taken to rocking back and forth with his hands forcing his ears shut, but he could feel the hand. It made his skin crawl and he shouted. “ _No no no-- yip nuh nuh-- no no!_ ”

The hand left as suddenly as it had been placed. It felt like the world was spinning and he was falling, nothing to ground him. He was left toppling and turning and flopping about while the walls and floor switched and mingled with one another.

“Sokka.”

A voice called out his name. It was distant, muffled. It couldn’t have been real, it must have come from his head.

“Sokka.”

There it was again. So familiar, gentle.

But he was stuck, stuck in this unfamiliar abyss of darkness, caught between the ringing resounding and tangling any and all coherent thoughts he had.

Another hand fell on his shoulder, a thumb brushing against his skin. That… that was… he knew that touch. That touch was so close, yet so far away. He couldn’t break himself out, he couldn’t reach it.

“Sokka. I-- ck yo-- kay?” The voice was broken and Sokka didn’t know what they were saying. But their hand felt like home. It didn’t send shivers down his spine, it didn’t make him feel as if bugs were scattering across his body. He trusted it so he nodded, eyes shut tight, hands over ears.

A second hand joined the first, and no longer could he process the coolness of the floor or the stiff wall against his back. He was pressed against something warm. A strangely familiar warmth. A hand was resting on the side of his face, tenderly and carefully guiding his head towards the warmth. It felt as if he were flying-- moving.

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._ That thumping… it was a heartbeat. Alluring and understanding. He desperately smushed his face into the warmth, trying to get as close to the heartbeat as he could. He could feel it against his cheek, beating in a consistent rhythm. It was music, the life of the melody.

One of the hands was rubbing his back. It was an intimate gesture, one that didn't make his skin crawl. All Sokka knew was that he never wanted to forget the feeling of that touch.

The warmth stopped moving, the hands gripping him and lifting him, setting him down on a soft surface. As soon as the hands were gone, he was rocking, they had left him in his ball-like shape.

A hand covered his, gently removing it from his ear, peeling it away like plaster. It repeated the action on his other side, and he let out a shuddering gasp and the ringing subsided, replaced with the empty sound of static as he regained the ability to hear clearly.

They moved to his legs, grabbing his left with such care and stretching it out, no longer in the cramped position. The same with his right.

Awareness was flooding back to him. The soft call of “Sokka” was the light at the end of the dark tunnel and he blinked out of his head.

Sokka was sitting on his bed, his legs stretched out in front of him, arms flopping at his side, hands clenching the sheets and stroking them (he didn’t even realize he had grabbed them). In front of him was Zuko, golden eyes narrowed with concern, mouth in a thin line. He was scanning him, his hands on his arms rubbing up and down.

“Zuko?” he croaked, his voice rough and painful.

“Thank Angi.” A couple of tears fell down his cheeks, and Sokka watched as they rolled down and onto the bed. “Sokka, are you okay?”

Sokka blinked, twitched. He was tired, so tired. “I…” he trailed off, his brain scrambling to start back up again. “What?”

Zuko sighed, releasing his boyfriend’s arms and swiftly speeding to the other side of the bed, climbing in next to him. Once settled, he grabbed Sokka’s hand and began rubbing his palm. “Suki found you…” he paused, his mouth open as if he were gargling for air. “She told me she was patrolling the halls because there was a disturbance and found some other councillors… you were having an anxiety attack.”

Oh. _Oh_. Everything was coming back to him. Noritaka, the meeting, the mockery, the literal pain that took hold of his body.

The thoughts were a burden. They were heavy and they disgusted him. And Sokka was tired, he was so tired. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, his words chopped and stiff. He released a choked sob, tears freely pouring out of him. He no longer resisted, it hurt too much. They needed to be released.

The way Zuko was looking at him… it wasn’t pity. It was a look of love, of dedication and Sokka knew-- _he knew_ \-- in that moment that Zuko _cared_ and that Zuko was _pissed_ , but not at him. “Don’t you dare apologize,” he countered, leaning against his boyfriend. “You did nothing wrong.”

Words were heavy against his tongue, as if he were trying to swallow glue. The urge to go completely nonverbal was strong, but Zuko deserved better than that. He licked his lips, it was slow and difficult. “Your meeting,” he forced out. “Left.” The words felt wrong-- they were wrong.

But Zuko just shook his head. “I would leave any meeting for you. You’re more important than trade routes, Penguin. You always will be.”

At that, Sokka only cried more, his face scrunched up, his body shaking.

He opened his mouth, intending to apologize again, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. The sound of his voice was a pricking in his ears, each word he had spoken was like ripping a layer off of his tongue. He _couldn’t_.

Zuko was too good for this world, something Sokka felt very passionately about and repeated just about every day (it was his mantra at this point). His boyfriend tilted his head before wrapping his arms around him.

Sokka loved when Zuko hugged him. He always kept his arms loose and never made him feel like he was restricted and couldn’t move. There were only two other people who were able to do that. Zuko was so special and important and caring. He loved him so much.

With his free hand, Sokka pointed at his mouth, trying to ignore how badly he was trembling. A fist pump interfered with his motion, and through his tears he glared. He glared at his hand, willing it to burst into flames and to stop because _he was so tired_.

Zuko frowned. “Hey, none of that,” he said softly. “You don’t have to suppress when you’re with me.” He paused. “Actually, you don’t have to ever. I know you’re suppressing during meetings. You have nothing to be ashamed of, Penguin. Okay?”

Sokka just shook his head because he did. He had everything to be ashamed of.

“No,” Zuko argued, careful not to raise his voice. “You don’t.”

Biting his lip, he tried again. Sokka pointed to his mouth, shaking his head.

Zuko’s eyes widened once he understood the gesture. “Okay,” he told him. “That’s okay. You don’t have to talk.”

The thing was, Sokka _loved_ talking. He could ramble on and on for hours, and he often did. Going nonverbal was hard for him to mentally process. His ramblings and words were a weapon, one of his only defenses in a world of bending and power. He hated losing that.

Zuko’s eyes shifted, his mouth moved but no words came out. Sokka raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, his sobs subsiding and merely existing as silent tears.

“Hey, is it okay if Suki comes over here?”

Nod.

And Suki was there instantly. Sokka realized that she had probably been in the room the entire time, hiding in the back so he wouldn’t feel embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to worry her. “Hey,” she murmured, kneeling next to his other side.

He blinked back at her.

She smiled. “You okay?”

If he could laugh, he would. No, he wasn’t. Not really, at least. But he was better. He shrugged.

“That’s good.” She was quiet for a moment, her face twisted as if contemplating her next move. “I picked this up for you,” she finally said, placing his notepad in his lap.

Sokka perked up, eagerly letting go of Zuko’s hand and the bedsheets and nearly leaping forward to snatch the pad. He held it against his chest, barely registering Zuko’s arm adjusting so it was around the middle of his back.

Suki giggled. It was a beautiful sound, one that always made him grin. “Figured you wouldn’t want me to leave it there.”

Nod.

“Sokka,” Zuko spoke up. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, or think about it, but I want to get this discussion out of the way now so we can relax later, just the two of us.”

He bobbed his head dejectedly. It was an inevitable discussion, and Zuko was right in thinking getting it out of the way now would be best. Didn’t mean he _wanted_ to do it at all, though.

“Did they touch you?”

The first question was surprising, he wasn’t expecting it. It jostled his thoughts about for a second before he could fully process the unexpected question. He placed his pad back on his lap (trying to ignore the cold feeling left behind as the pressure was lifted off his chest). He locked eyes with Suki, pointing to his book.

“Oh! Yeah!” She dug around in her pocket for a second before pulling out his brush.

One of the things he loved most about Suki is that they didn’t need many words to communicate. It was kind of like they had some sort of mental connection. It was different than his connection with Katara and Zuko, Toph and Aang and his father.

His grip hardened around his brush, the smooth sides silk against his fingers. He opened his pad to a blank page and scribbled _no_.

Zuko let out a breath of air, and Sokka once more felt his cheeks warm, but from giddiness rather than shame. That breath of air was a reminder: that Zuko cared about him. He knew that he did, he _knew_ and yet, sometimes he forgot. It had become another mantra, right after _Zuko is too good for this world_.

“That’s… that’s good. Can you tell me what they did?” Zuko’s voice wavered a bit, but he recovered quickly.

Sokka looked to Suki and then back at Zuko, tilting his head.

“Sorry. I came in and they left immediately. I have an idea, but…” she recalled.

Sokka scrunched his nose, pouting slightly because he'd rather Suki tell his boyfriend the story. _Embarrassing_ , he wrote.

His two friends shared a look. “We won’t judge you,” said Suki gently.

A silent tear fell once more as he wrote. _Front of me. Complaining. Mocked my tics. I ticced. They laughed. Continued. Anxiety. Funny_.

He felt like a child, writing words rather than stringing coherent sentences together. He was just _so tired_ still. He didn’t have the energy.

“Oh…” Zuko breathed, his ears turning red as they did when he got angry. “Oh, Penguin. I--” he stopped himself. Sokka watched as he closed his eyes, and he knew that his boyfriend was counting down so he wouldn’t scare him.

“Want me to beat them up? Because I will. I know Ty Lee’s been looking for someone to practice some new chi blocking moves on,” Suki explained, her tone light but her eyes hard and fingers clenched against the sheets.

He forced a small smile onto his face. _Ha ha_ , he wrote.

“No, I’m serious.”

 _Please don’t_.

Suki sighed. “Fiiiiiine. If you insist.”

Zuko opened his eyes. “Do you remember who all participated?”

_Yes._

“I can kick them off the council,” suggested the bender.

Frantically, Sokka scribbled another mess of words down. _No. Hate me. Special treatment. Not worth it_.

“Are you sure? I can find some other reason to kick them off. I am the Fire Lord after all.”

Sokka rolled his eyes. _Love you. You lie bad._

Zuko scoffed as Suki giggled once more. The sound was relieving.

His boyfriend’s arm tightened around him protectively, still loose enough for him to remove himself if he wanted too. Sokka leaned into the touch, letting his head rest against the headboard.

“Do you want us to talk to them?” asked Suki.

 _No_ , Sokka wrote. His handwriting was probably really bad, but he didn’t care. He was comfortable where he was for the first time today, wrapped in Zuko’s arms and head against frame.

“Okay. We won’t do anything,” concluded Zuko. “But if it happens again, they will be punished. That’s harassment, you do understand that, right?”

Sokka shrugged.

“You’re only seventeen. They’re all older than twenty. That is harassment,” Zuko reiterated.

Sokka wrote more. _Sure you want me on council? Water Tribe. Young. Child._

“Penguin, of _course_ I want you there!” Zuko’s tone wasn’t accusatory. It wasn’t offended or angry at Sokka’s silly questions or quest for validation.

_Not just because dating?_

“Hey.” Zuko removed the brush from his hand and set it beside the pad. The bender’s free hand cupped his cheek, tender and intimate. “You’re by far the smartest person who’s ever sat in that room. You’re so smart and creative and I want you there. The Avatar even advocated for you to be on the council.”

“He’s not just saying that,” agreed Suki. “I’ve only been Zuko’s guard for a couple of the meetings, but you fit right in.”

“Besides, we’re finding ambassadors from the Earth Kingdom and Northern Water Tribe. We’re going to get rid of some of the Fire Nation councillors to make room for them. You won’t be alone soon.”

It was a comforting thought, not being the only one who was different.

“I love you, okay? And not just because you have useful ideas--” Zuko kissed his cheek. “Not just because you are a useful asset to the council--” A kiss on his nose. “Not just because you think you’re just convenient--” A kiss on his forehead. “But because you’re you. I wouldn’t have asked just anyone to be a part of this council. And I wouldn’t have asked just anyone to be my boyfriend.” A kiss on the lips.

The words still wouldn’t come out, he still couldn’t make himself talk. But he buried his head against Zuko’s chest, wrapping his arms around his waist and squeezing.

Zuko shifted, rearranging his grip so he was holding Sokka. He felt safe. Protected. Like he could finally rest. He squeezed again, and Zuko whispered, “Yeah. Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed:)
> 
> I'm @that-was-anticlimactic on tumblr and I posted some Sokka with TS headcanons earlier this month! There isn't too much TS rep out there and I was self-projecting one day and now it's kind of just... a thing? I'm writing a story-story where Sokka has TS and it's an important part of the story, but it isn't the whole story, ya know? Just needed to get some of my juices flowing so I wrote this:)
> 
> Last thing I'd like to add: Sokka's reaction may seem extreme, but having people mock your tics is the worst. Don't ever do that (unless you have echolalia then it isn't your fault and I love you babe). Mocking tics triggers them for those who have them and it sucks. I find when I'm anxious or stressed or people are being mean about my tics, that's when they "stream", as I say and seem consistent. Sokka also had an anxiety attack during the situation which made it worse, and he was just feeling really down. So, it may seem extreme, but that was part of the point? And it does happen, it isn't necessarily an exaggeration!
> 
> The nickname "Penguin" was stolen (with permission) from @thatbarnablebitch on tumblr:)
> 
> Anyways, hope y'all enjoyed and if there's any other Avatar fans with TS out there, lemme know! And if you'd rather not, that's valid! I hope you have a great day:)


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